


Substitute

by carnivalinsidemyhead



Category: Take That
Genre: Jealousy, Lack of Communication, Love Triangle, M/M, brief descriptions of sexual encounters, cameo appearances by Mark’s dogs, makeup and breakup
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 13:07:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 2,787
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21198149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carnivalinsidemyhead/pseuds/carnivalinsidemyhead
Summary: “Is this ever going to be real, How? You and me. Are we going to be real?”Howard frowned, puzzled. “Don’t know what you mean?”Mark sighed. “I mean, are you ever going to see me for me? And not just for the bits of me that remind you of Jason?”





	1. Chapter 1

“I’m leaving the band, How. Not leaving you.”

That was Jason’s promise to Howard and he had believed him. And Jason had kept his promise. 

For about six months.

Then it became “I need to travel. No sense sitting round waiting at home while you’re off on tour, right?”

Fair enough.

Then it became “not sure when I’m coming home” and not answering his emails or his mobile.

Finally it became one brief email saying “I think we should see other people” and then more silence. 

And Howard had been hurt and a little drunk (which was unusual for him) and more than a little sexually frustrated and basically ripe for falling into bed with the nearest Pretty Thing.

—  
Which happened to be Mark.

“Are you absolutely certain about this? I don’t want you to regret it when you sober up.” Mark looked at Howard somewhat worriedly.

Howard snorted. “I’ve had two beers, mate, I’m not exactly hammered.”

“No I suppose not. Still, you don’t really drink and…”

Howard shut Mark up by pinning him against the wall and crushing his mouth against Mark’s. 

Mark moaned into the kiss, arching up to tangle his fingers through Howard’s curls and pressing his lean, lithe frame into Howard’s broad chest, panting at the heat coming off of him.

“I want you,” Howard whispered in Mark’s ear as he toyed with his belt buckle. “Right here, right now. Right against this wall.”  
—-  
It was meant to be a one night stand, but it quickly grew into more. Really, Howard reflected, they had too much history between them for a one night stand.

Besides, he liked being with Mark. He reminded him a little bit of Jason, truth be told; the same tendency to overthink things, to approach everything philosophically and ramble on and on, the same tidiness, the same ability to light up a whole room with his smile…

Actually he reminded him a lot of Jason. But he probably shouldn’t have said so. At least not so often.

He didn’t necessarily mean to, the words would just slip out. 

Sometimes his timing was worse than others. One time it was completely dreadful.  
—

“.....Harder! Oh god yeah…” Sweat glistened over Mark as he bucked and trembled on Howard’s lap, his smooth, round, pert, little arse bouncing up and down, up and down on Howard’s cock.

Howard thrust up harder and deeper, making Mark moan loudly, and marveled at the sight of the beautiful man riding him. 

“I love you.”

The words came out of their own accord, but Howard had no regrets about them.

Mark froze up for a moment and then his face broke out into a smile of pure sunshine and he leaned in to kiss Howard and wrap his arms around him and hold him tight.

“I love you too. So much.”

They were snuggled in bed afterwards, Mark spooned against Howard and happily jabbering away when Howard casually remarked that he sounded like Jason and he felt Mark stiffen and pull away from him.

“Something wrong?”

Mark turned to him. “Is this ever going to be real, How? You and me. Are we going to be real?”

Howard frowned, puzzled. “Don’t know what you mean?”

Mark sighed. “I mean, are you ever going to see me for me? And not just for the bits of me that remind you of Jason?”

He pulled back the covers and climbed out of bed, picking his trousers up off the chair and putting them back on.

“What are you doing?”

“I’m going home, How. I can’t do this. I didn’t mind being your rebound for a little while but if this is going to last... I need to know I’m more than just a rebound…”

Howard didn’t say anything.

“Am I? Am I more than just a replacement for Jason to you?”

Howard still didn’t say anything. 

“Right. Well then, I’m going home. Call me when you figure it out.”

He finished dressing, then picked up his bag and his car keys and walked down the stairs and out the front door. 

Howard sat on the edge of the bed and listened to Mark’s car start up and pull away.

“Fuck.”


	2. Chapter 2

Gary’s house, the next day.

“I fucked up big time Gaz” Howard stated bluntly without preamble as he walked in the door, stopping for a moment to give Dawn a hug hello.

Gary looked up from his laptop. “I’m sure it can’t be that bad, Doug.”

Howard flopped down in a recliner next to Gary and let out a heavy sigh.

“No, it’s not. It’s worse.”

Dawn looked between Gary and Howard uncertainly. 

“I can go if you need to talk privately,” she offered.

Howard shook his head. “Nah, it’s all right. Won’t take it personal if you get tired of me whinging though and decide to go yourself!”

“So what’s happened then?” asked Gary.

Howard sighed. “Right. Well you know how me and Mark been seeing each other?”

Gary nodded and Dawn let out a small noise of surprise and gave Gary a whack on the arm.

“Ow!” Gary rubbed his arm ruefully.

“That’s for not telling me.”

“Anyway, he was over at mine last night and we was in bed...just cuddling, don’t worry, this was after all the kinky stuff…”

Gary coughed.

“I’m sparing you the details, mate. But anyhow, we was cuddled up together afterwards and he was being a little chatterbox, y’know like he gets some time and it was probably daft of me but it put me in mind of Jason…”

“You didn’t say so out loud, I hope?” Dawn asked.

Howard looked a bit sheepish. “Yeah.”

Dawn shook her head. “Oh honestly, Howard.”

Gary looked confused. “I think I’m missing something here?”

Dawn turned to him. “Honey, how would you feel if we’d just made love and I told you how much you reminded me of my ex lover?”

Gary frowned at the thought. She nodded. “See?”

“Yeah, I get it.” To Howard, “Well that was a bit of a blunder, but surely Mark can’t be that mad about your doing that one time?”

Howard looked down and didn’t say anything.

Gary groaned. “It wasn’t the first time, was it?”

“It were the first time I said it right after we shagged,” Howard defended himself. “But, yeah, I mighta mentioned to him a few times that he made me think of Jason.”

He gulped nervously. 

“There’s more.”

He took a deep breath and muttered in a quiet voice, “I told him I love him.”

“Do you?” Dawn asked.

Howard nodded. “I do, yeah. Didn’t mean to say just then, but glad I did cos I meant it.”

“And then you brought up Jason right after and Mark is worried that you didn’t really mean the I love you for him, you meant it for Jason,” Dawn concluded for him. 

“That’s what I’m afraid of, yeah.”

Gary looked at Howard seriously. “Are you absolutely certain, though, that you meant it for Mark?”

“Of course I did!”, Howard protested indignantly. 

“At least... I think I did...fuck, I don’t even know…”

“You never really got any closure with Jason, did you?” Dawn asked him.

Howard shook his head. “All I got was ‘I think we should see other people’ and then nothing. No explanation, no discussion. Just nothing.”

“Doesn’t sound like Jay, not wanting to talk.”

Howard snorted. “You don’t know him like I do, Gaz. He’s a great one for getting other people to open up and he’ll talk your ear off about interpersonal relationships and emotions and all that as long as it’s just talk but soon as you ask him to share his own feelings, he clams right up.”

“Be that as it may, I think you need to find him and talk to him and figure things out before you can take things any further with Mark.”

“You owe it to yourself. And to Mark,” Dawn echoed Gary’s thoughts, adding as an afterthought, “Maybe even to Jason. He should know if you’ve moved on.”

Howard let out a short contemptuous bark of laughter. 

“Why should I show him any more courtesy than he’s shown me? Besides I got no clue where he is anyway.”

“As it happens, I ran into Simon the other day,” said Gary. “He says Jay’s been in Thailand but he’s coming home to his London house next week.”

“Mmm.” 

“That all you have to say?”

“Mmm. Hmm.” Then, with a sigh, “I guess I can go see him next week. Don’t think he’s going to be pleased to see me on his doorstep without warning, but if he won’t answer his phone…”


	3. Chapter 3

One week later. At Jason’s London house.

Jason pulled into his driveway in his gold Mercedes and was greeted by the sight of Howard sitting on his front porch. He let out a sigh and braced himself.

“So how was Thailand? How are you? You ever planning on talking to me again or do I just get left hanging?”

“Thailand was beautiful, I’m fine, and yeah, I guess I do owe you an explanation. Come on in, we’ll talk about it.”

Once inside and sat in the living room on the sofa, Howard looked at Jason expectantly and with more than a touch of irritation. 

“Well? Go ahead. Explain.”

Jason laughed nervously. “I don’t know where to start. I’m a coward, I guess. You know me, things get heavy, I fuck off to Thailand and stop taking calls. I just...I needed time to think. About me..us...everything. I should have told you though.”

“Yeah, you should have.”

“I’m sorry, okay? I handled things badly.”

“So, when you was doing all this thinking, what did you come up with?”

Jason reached out and took Howard’s hand somewhat nervously and leaned in and kissed him gently on the lips.

“That it was a mistake to say we should see other people.”

“Oh.” Howard looked at Jason so close to him, ready to kiss him again and started to lose himself in him, in his touch.

But then he pulled away a minute later.

“Something wrong?”

“You might say that,” Howard said with a sigh. “When you said we should see other people, I took you at your word.”

It was Jason’s turn to say “oh.” And then, “you’re starting to have feelings for them, I take it?”

Howard nodded. “I’m in love with him. But I think I might still be in love with you too. It’s why I needed to see you- get my feelings sorted out maybe.”

Jason looked stunned. “You’re in love with this person? Already? You can’t have been seeing them more than two or three months?? You barely know him!”

Howard gave Jason a sheepish grin and said “actually, I’ve known him for going on twenty-five years now, so I’ve had a bit of time to get to know him…”

Jason frowned. “How, just who are you going out with?”

Howard gave him another sheepish, slightly bashful grin.

“Mark.”

Jason laughed in disbelief. “You and Markie? Oh that’s a good one, How. You really had me going for a minute there…”

Howard frowned. “Not joking, Jay. What’s so funny about me and Markie being together?”

“Er..nothing...nothing...just that, well, the sex can’t exactly be very satisfying can it?” 

He made a gesture with his fingers indicating a small amount. “I mean, I suppose if you’re the one topping it’s okay but well…” He trailed off with a smirk. 

“Not that it’s any business of yours, but we switch off. And,” Howard added with a smirk of his own, “he might actually be a bit bigger than you in that department.” He added, laughing, “think it’s where all his height went.”

“It’s cute that you’re trying to make me jealous. It really is.”

Howard rolled his eyes impatiently. “Oh give over, Jay. What, you want me to ask Mark to come over and drop his pants for inspection?”

Just then, Howard’s mobile rang.

“Hello? Mark! Hey sweetie! Mmm hmm...Mmm hmm..I miss you too...No I’m not mad at you about the other night...where am I? I’m..er..at Jason’s...don’t hang up! Please.. let me explain...I told him about us and I just...you’re right, I need to figure things out and I needed to see him to do that, all right? Mm hmm, Mm hmm, *low, throaty, dirty sounding chuckle* I love you too...Mmm hmm, will do.”

He ended the call and turned to Jason with a smile. “Mark sends his love.”

Jason let out a derisive sounding chuckle. “Oh I’m sure he does.”

Howard frowned at this. “Yeah? Course he does, Jay, this is Mark we’re talking about here. He loves you. Well...not like he loves me, I hope, but…”

“I get the idea. But it has to be eating him up that you’re here with me. He was even going to hang up on ya when you told him!” Jason pointed out in a tone of satisfaction.

Howard shook his head at Jason in disbelief. “When did you get so spiteful? Look, I didn’t plan for it to happen with Mark and I didn’t expect to fall in love with him but it did and I did and you’re going to have to learn to accept that.”

“Ah, but you said you’re still in love with me as well.”

“I said I thought I *might* be and frankly, I’m starting to feel like I’m definitely *not.*

He started to pace the room, running his hands through his hair in frustration. 

“Jay, what’s happened to you? You’ve changed so much. You’ve gotten distant and bitter and guarded and...hard. That’s not you. It’s not the Jason I fell in love with. You know, I actually fell for Mark because he has so many of your good qualities like your warmth, and your kindness, and your curiosity, and your talking my bloody ear off all the time..”

“That’s Markie, that is, it’s not me.”

“It’s bloody both of you! Or at least...it was. I don’t feel like I even know you anymore.”

He sat down with a sigh.

“I been so busy missing someone who doesn’t exist anymore that I haven’t appreciated the one right in front of me like I should.”

He stood up abruptly and grabbed his jacket and headed for the door, then turned and walked over to Jason and pulled him close for a kiss on the lips.

He pulled back from the kiss less than a minute later and nodded grimly. “Yeah, that’s what I figured. There’s nothing there anymore.”

He started to turn the knob and step outside.

“Where are you going?” Jason looked at him plaintively.

“Where I belong.” He reached out and gave Jason a hesitant hug goodbye. “Take care of yourself, Jay.”

And with that, he was out the door.

“Give Mark my love,” Jason whispered to the empty room.


	4. Chapter 4

Mark’s house, that evening.

Howard rang the doorbell and stood nervously on the doorstep clutching a box of Green and Black chocolates, listening to all of Mark’s dogs losing their bloody minds over someone being at the door.

“Whoa, whoa..down..down..calm down..let me go see who it is…”

He opened the door to Howard grinning nervously and Arnold let out a loud, excited, welcoming bark, and jumped up on Howard and started licking his face, tail wagging eagerly.

“Hey buddy...hey mister... I missed you too, yes I did..” He handed Mark the box of chocolates with his free hand as Mark pulled them both inside.

“Got ya your favorites.”

“I see.” Mark was smiling. “So did you just miss my dogs or?”

“I missed you. And I’m sorry. You were right, I didn’t see you. But now, I think I finally do. And I really like what I see.”

Mark looked at him hesitantly.

“Does that mean?”

“It’s over with me and Jay. You’re the one I want. The only one.”

Mark broke out into a broad grin and pulled Howard to him for a very, very long and thorough kiss.

“Well in that case…” he smiled at him suggestively and beckoned Howard up the stairs to the bedroom and Howard followed him eagerly, enjoying the view as he swayed his hips.

And before he knew it, he was splayed out arse up on the mattress and letting a loud groan of contentment as he felt Mark sinking deep into him.

Maybe he wasn’t where he thought he would have been a year ago, but he was definitely where he belonged now.

Even if Betty was silently judging them both from the foot of the bed.


End file.
